And then, there was the perceived loss of identity. During the school years, I knew who I was and what my role was: I was a student. I knew my relationship to myself: an absorber of information, a critical reader, an inquisitive “thinker”. These days, I can clearly see my relationship vis-a-vis others, just not when it comes to myself: I’m a daughter, an employee, a niece, a sister, a cousin. Who am I to myself?
Days are spent doing what I’m supposed to be doing, going where I’m supposed to go, saying what I’m supposed to say and being what I’m supposed to be. I think.
These were all things I was thinking that day when everything started crashing in. The what-ifs, the whys, the what’s-the-point’s, the who-cares. Has anyone ever have those? They’re terrible. The question that particularly kept turning in my mind is this: “ If Life is bound to turn out the way we didn’t plan it, why bother with planning, with preparing, with trying?” It’s hard to see things clearly when all these questions come all at the same time.
But I somehow got through all the confusion and the clouds started to lift away one by one. Sometimes, like some of you suggested, it just takes taking a break, pushing the pause button, doing the things that you love, getting comforted by people who love you and taking comfort in the fact that you’ve made progress and you will continue to do so.
*All this to give you a little taste of what I was thinking/feeling. I’ll try to keep the personal stuff out of the page and put it all, no-holds-barred on the Tumblr page. So, if words like “feelings”, “emotional”, “heart” don’t scare you, I invite you to check the Tumblr page from time to time. Others tweet, I tumbl.
P.S. Guys, I have 10 subscribers! Thank you so much for joining me and checking here to read my ramblings! You’re all very awesome for caring. And if you read all the way down to here, you might just have become my new best friend.